I have decided to integrate this blog into my original Blog, "Out of the Mouth your Heart Speaks"
I will update my weight loss victories and stories on Out of the Mouth.
www.loriloo4.blogspot.com
Blessings to all
Love
Lori
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I'm Back!
Thank you for all of your amazing support, I can't tell you how much it means to me.
I will be back more often as things seem to be calming down here and I am seing a feeling results!.
I Lost (Drum Roll please)......... 4 pounds~~~~
Yipeee off to a great start!
Hang in there, How are you all doing? It matters to me so please share!
Much Love and respect
Lori
I will be back more often as things seem to be calming down here and I am seing a feeling results!.
I Lost (Drum Roll please)......... 4 pounds~~~~
Yipeee off to a great start!
Hang in there, How are you all doing? It matters to me so please share!
Much Love and respect
Lori
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
In Hiding...... or Out of Hiding....I was and now I am!
OK, I have been hiding the last couple of weeks, This is harder that I thought it would be, As I have been delving in to my heart for answers as to what has driven me and what I need to change so many things are just flying to the surface. It is as if Pandora's box is opening with a vengeance.
For instance I have a face book account and I have been in contact with people who mattered in my past, These people used to look at me like I had 2 heads, They were all a size 0-3 and I was a huge size 9-14. I was the Sea hag to their Olive Oil, do you get the picture "). So anyway here I am getting in touch with these people and I am pretty happy, I make sure I only post the pretty pictures, I am comfortable about the fact that I am presenting my best. Then I realized that I have my link to this page posted and they can look at it and at any time read my struggles. OH MY GOSH!!! I totally started to panic, AAAHHHHH THEY ARE GOING TO FIND OUT MY SECRET. They are going to know that I let the weight get the best of me.
I really have had anxiety over this because even though I am putting this out on the WWW, it is still really personal. You may be asking yourself, Hello how can this be personal if you are publishing this for all the world to see. I will explain......
Even though alot of you know me from my other blog, Out of the Mouth the Heart speaks, and you know that I have a good heart and I care for people, You don't know just how very vulnerable this makes me to the people that have actually had some sort of relationship with me. You may not realize that should I happen to meet up with these people that I would be totally looking for that look in their eyes that said Wheeew, I am glad I never returned her affection or Wow she really had no self respect or the confidence enough to say NO to food. Or any number of comments made by one knowing glance my direction. This rejection would be enough to crush me.
Then I really had to have a talk with myself and I said Lori Lyn! (that's me) Enough!!!! You are worth having a friendship with Big or Small, You love people and you do not seek to hurt, You love God and he Loves you enough to save you. So enough with the anxiety and Panic attacks, You are a child of God and If someone is truly looking at your outside "Fluff" to gage your inside "stuff" then Shame on them!!!! That's right Shame on them if they were to say that or do that!.
But even more than that "SHAME ON ME" for allowing hurts of the past to change the direction of the future!
And just so you know I am 200 and too many pounds, which guarantees I will be here at this blog pouring my heart out for some time to come.
Thank you for your support, and your patience!
Blessings
Lori
For instance I have a face book account and I have been in contact with people who mattered in my past, These people used to look at me like I had 2 heads, They were all a size 0-3 and I was a huge size 9-14. I was the Sea hag to their Olive Oil, do you get the picture "). So anyway here I am getting in touch with these people and I am pretty happy, I make sure I only post the pretty pictures, I am comfortable about the fact that I am presenting my best. Then I realized that I have my link to this page posted and they can look at it and at any time read my struggles. OH MY GOSH!!! I totally started to panic, AAAHHHHH THEY ARE GOING TO FIND OUT MY SECRET. They are going to know that I let the weight get the best of me.
I really have had anxiety over this because even though I am putting this out on the WWW, it is still really personal. You may be asking yourself, Hello how can this be personal if you are publishing this for all the world to see. I will explain......
Even though alot of you know me from my other blog, Out of the Mouth the Heart speaks, and you know that I have a good heart and I care for people, You don't know just how very vulnerable this makes me to the people that have actually had some sort of relationship with me. You may not realize that should I happen to meet up with these people that I would be totally looking for that look in their eyes that said Wheeew, I am glad I never returned her affection or Wow she really had no self respect or the confidence enough to say NO to food. Or any number of comments made by one knowing glance my direction. This rejection would be enough to crush me.
Then I really had to have a talk with myself and I said Lori Lyn! (that's me) Enough!!!! You are worth having a friendship with Big or Small, You love people and you do not seek to hurt, You love God and he Loves you enough to save you. So enough with the anxiety and Panic attacks, You are a child of God and If someone is truly looking at your outside "Fluff" to gage your inside "stuff" then Shame on them!!!! That's right Shame on them if they were to say that or do that!.
But even more than that "SHAME ON ME" for allowing hurts of the past to change the direction of the future!
And just so you know I am 200 and too many pounds, which guarantees I will be here at this blog pouring my heart out for some time to come.
Thank you for your support, and your patience!
Blessings
Lori
Friday, August 15, 2008
Some Time.......
The last couple of weeks have been very interesting, to say the least. I have turned 35, maintained a 1 1/2 pound loss, and been working in and out of my home very hard.
I got a Gym membership and an I pod shuffle for my birthday which is perfect because I can just go in and Jam to my music! I am finding that all of this examining my heart and the real reason my weight is out of control is actually very taxing. I have found myself going from one High to a very low. I continue to ask myself how I have let this get out of hand, and I am committed to keeping this change alive. Bear with me, I know it's a long haul ahead but I am going to chug a lug along and Let God work on me from the inside out!
Blessings
Lori
I got a Gym membership and an I pod shuffle for my birthday which is perfect because I can just go in and Jam to my music! I am finding that all of this examining my heart and the real reason my weight is out of control is actually very taxing. I have found myself going from one High to a very low. I continue to ask myself how I have let this get out of hand, and I am committed to keeping this change alive. Bear with me, I know it's a long haul ahead but I am going to chug a lug along and Let God work on me from the inside out!
Blessings
Lori
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Be Careful Little Ears What you Hear!
My weight has been an issue ever since I can remember, I can still remember the first discussion my parents had with me about it. My parents were and are very loving only wants whats best for you type parents, But I can remember the discussion being about how I need to exercise more and how Daddy was going to run with me. Number 1 I hate running and always have, but I love spending time with my dad so I agreed. I remember feeling mixed emotions, My chubbiness came as a surprise to me, I didn't know I was chubby. I remember feeling so shocked upset and disgusting it put me on the defense for ever. you see my weight wasn't a problem for me then and i look back and I don't understand why it was a problem for others. I suppose you can say I had a tummy. I was going in to fourth grade. Looking back I was developing early. I already had to wear a bra, I would start my period the summer before fifth grade and by 7th grade I was a full C Can you say Self conscious?
Skip forward to 9th grade, I wanted to try out for Colorguard and I actually make it, you would think this the best day ever right, This is the day that sealed my poor self image into place. I get called into the Music Directors office and he tells me that I was one of the largest girls on the team and that he can't have a FAT GIRL looking bad in the uniform. And that he would be watching me and If I did not maintain a decent weight he would suspend me until I got the weight down. Okay I was a size 7-9 at 14 years old and Still a full C.
That experience hurt so much and from that day forward no one could say anything bad or good about my weight because I had already told my self how awful I was, how unworthy I was, how disgusting I was.
This internal Dialogue has continued until this week. This week I started to listen to what I would say to others about me and hear my inner self comment and what I heard was all negativity. I have built up a defense of hurting myself before you can that way when what anyone else says something awful it doesn't hurt because I already said it. I make fun of myself before any one else can. Just the other day I was worried about how someone would take a comment from me and I was discussing with friend, I said I hope she doesn't think that, "I mean look at me I'm a Heffalump! you couldn't possible think someone would be threatened by me"
That was Thursday, What insight God has bestowed upon me. At that moment I have decided to change that about me, I will no longer allow my thoughts to be negative therefore undoing any good effort. I will no longer make fun of myself. That also means that I may have to face the hurts head on and feel it, but I know that I am not alone and that "I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me"
Skip forward to 9th grade, I wanted to try out for Colorguard and I actually make it, you would think this the best day ever right, This is the day that sealed my poor self image into place. I get called into the Music Directors office and he tells me that I was one of the largest girls on the team and that he can't have a FAT GIRL looking bad in the uniform. And that he would be watching me and If I did not maintain a decent weight he would suspend me until I got the weight down. Okay I was a size 7-9 at 14 years old and Still a full C.
That experience hurt so much and from that day forward no one could say anything bad or good about my weight because I had already told my self how awful I was, how unworthy I was, how disgusting I was.
This internal Dialogue has continued until this week. This week I started to listen to what I would say to others about me and hear my inner self comment and what I heard was all negativity. I have built up a defense of hurting myself before you can that way when what anyone else says something awful it doesn't hurt because I already said it. I make fun of myself before any one else can. Just the other day I was worried about how someone would take a comment from me and I was discussing with friend, I said I hope she doesn't think that, "I mean look at me I'm a Heffalump! you couldn't possible think someone would be threatened by me"
That was Thursday, What insight God has bestowed upon me. At that moment I have decided to change that about me, I will no longer allow my thoughts to be negative therefore undoing any good effort. I will no longer make fun of myself. That also means that I may have to face the hurts head on and feel it, but I know that I am not alone and that "I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me"
What is your internal dialogue saying to you? Do you have any such defense mechanisms in place? Are you willing to take this challenge with me an not allow you to speak negativity about yourself inside or out?
You and I will be at the top of my prayer list today and this week! Together we will change our view of ourselves and by doing that we will be able to glorify God because we will see how wonderful his creations are, US, We are his creation created in his image! Praise God.
Blessings and love to all,
Lori
You and I will be at the top of my prayer list today and this week! Together we will change our view of ourselves and by doing that we will be able to glorify God because we will see how wonderful his creations are, US, We are his creation created in his image! Praise God.
Blessings and love to all,
Lori
Monday, July 21, 2008
A Life Change
Okay so I have been overweight forever, and I have always felt HUGE and GROSS, but when I look back I wasn't as huge as I am now. I feel so disgusted that I have let it get this out of control. I t is as if I fell asleep for 10 years and woke up fat, The truth is That I have ignored it for 10 years and Have gotten to the point that I can't ignore it another minute. A great friend of mine, who is also a doctor, pulled me aside and and explained how concerned he is. He discussed it with me with such care, I could feel his concern. He explained that it is time we considered doing the "surgery" (Gastric Banding). I walked away from that discussion so intent on doing my very best to lose the weight to avoid the Surgery. so here I am.
Today I hardly ate anything, but I can tell you that I ate everything all wrong. I was home with my little guy who was sick and I watched TV all day. So I really need to watch what goes in tomorrow!
Tomorrow is a new day!
One step at a time!
Lori
Today I hardly ate anything, but I can tell you that I ate everything all wrong. I was home with my little guy who was sick and I watched TV all day. So I really need to watch what goes in tomorrow!
Tomorrow is a new day!
One step at a time!
Lori
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