OK, I have been hiding the last couple of weeks, This is harder that I thought it would be, As I have been delving in to my heart for answers as to what has driven me and what I need to change so many things are just flying to the surface. It is as if Pandora's box is opening with a vengeance.
For instance I have a face book account and I have been in contact with people who mattered in my past, These people used to look at me like I had 2 heads, They were all a size 0-3 and I was a huge size 9-14. I was the Sea hag to their Olive Oil, do you get the picture "). So anyway here I am getting in touch with these people and I am pretty happy, I make sure I only post the pretty pictures, I am comfortable about the fact that I am presenting my best. Then I realized that I have my link to this page posted and they can look at it and at any time read my struggles. OH MY GOSH!!! I totally started to panic, AAAHHHHH THEY ARE GOING TO FIND OUT MY SECRET. They are going to know that I let the weight get the best of me.
I really have had anxiety over this because even though I am putting this out on the WWW, it is still really personal. You may be asking yourself, Hello how can this be personal if you are publishing this for all the world to see. I will explain......
Even though alot of you know me from my other blog, Out of the Mouth the Heart speaks, and you know that I have a good heart and I care for people, You don't know just how very vulnerable this makes me to the people that have actually had some sort of relationship with me. You may not realize that should I happen to meet up with these people that I would be totally looking for that look in their eyes that said Wheeew, I am glad I never returned her affection or Wow she really had no self respect or the confidence enough to say NO to food. Or any number of comments made by one knowing glance my direction. This rejection would be enough to crush me.
Then I really had to have a talk with myself and I said Lori Lyn! (that's me) Enough!!!! You are worth having a friendship with Big or Small, You love people and you do not seek to hurt, You love God and he Loves you enough to save you. So enough with the anxiety and Panic attacks, You are a child of God and If someone is truly looking at your outside "Fluff" to gage your inside "stuff" then Shame on them!!!! That's right Shame on them if they were to say that or do that!.
But even more than that "SHAME ON ME" for allowing hurts of the past to change the direction of the future!
And just so you know I am 200 and too many pounds, which guarantees I will be here at this blog pouring my heart out for some time to come.
Thank you for your support, and your patience!
Blessings
Lori
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4 comments:
I Hope you don't "Hide Out" too long...I really MISS YOU!!!
Hang in there you are thought of, not alone and you and your deepening concerns are being lifting up in prayers.
Love, Jeannene
Hello my Sweet Friend,
I found this poem, and truly hope you find this inspirational as I truly thought of you...;
Out of the Ashes ~ by:Lois Roosa
Out of the ashes, Dear One,
I bring a new hope to you!
Out of life's crumbled wreckage
You'll see what I can do.
Out of a time of helplessness
I'll build a brand new dream;
Though all around looks hopeless now,
Things aren't as they may seem.
Isaiah 61:3&7
Big Hugs,
XO~Nene
It's hard to make oneself vulnerable. However, that's what the Lord did for us so that we might be saved. Remember in the end it truly is about you and him, not them. Becoming comfortable with who we are often means taking a leap of faith. Maybe this is part of your journey to learning to love yourself just as you are and where do you want to go from here.
All you have posted here is true.
Stick to you plan my daughter. You will release that beautiful butterfly soon.
It is going to take time determination and alot of prayer. You have such a support team here and we will cheer you on sweetie.
You are BEAUTIFUL and you do have such a BIG LOVING heart and your true friends won't care how much you weigh. They may be concerned about your health but if they are your friends they too will support you unconditionally.
You are off to a great start Lori. Keep up the good work.
I LOVE YOU
Mom
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