Be Careful Little Ears What you Hear!

My weight has been an issue ever since I can remember, I can still remember the first discussion my parents had with me about it. My parents were and are very loving only wants whats best for you type parents, But I can remember the discussion being about how I need to exercise more and how Daddy was going to run with me. Number 1 I hate running and always have, but I love spending time with my dad so I agreed. I remember feeling mixed emotions, My chubbiness came as a surprise to me, I didn't know I was chubby. I remember feeling so shocked upset and disgusting it put me on the defense for ever. you see my weight wasn't a problem for me then and i look back and I don't understand why it was a problem for others. I suppose you can say I had a tummy. I was going in to fourth grade. Looking back I was developing early. I already had to wear a bra, I would start my period the summer before fifth grade and by 7th grade I was a full C Can you say Self conscious?

Skip forward to 9th grade, I wanted to try out for Colorguard and I actually make it, you would think this the best day ever right, This is the day that sealed my poor self image into place. I get called into the Music Directors office and he tells me that I was one of the largest girls on the team and that he can't have a FAT GIRL looking bad in the uniform. And that he would be watching me and If I did not maintain a decent weight he would suspend me until I got the weight down. Okay I was a size 7-9 at 14 years old and Still a full C.

That experience hurt so much and from that day forward no one could say anything bad or good about my weight because I had already told my self how awful I was, how unworthy I was, how disgusting I was.

This internal Dialogue has continued until this week. This week I started to listen to what I would say to others about me and hear my inner self comment and what I heard was all negativity. I have built up a defense of hurting myself before you can that way when what anyone else says something awful it doesn't hurt because I already said it. I make fun of myself before any one else can. Just the other day I was worried about how someone would take a comment from me and I was discussing with friend, I said I hope she doesn't think that, "I mean look at me I'm a Heffalump! you couldn't possible think someone would be threatened by me"

That was Thursday, What insight God has bestowed upon me. At that moment I have decided to change that about me, I will no longer allow my thoughts to be negative therefore undoing any good effort. I will no longer make fun of myself. That also means that I may have to face the hurts head on and feel it, but I know that I am not alone and that "I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me"

What is your internal dialogue saying to you? Do you have any such defense mechanisms in place? Are you willing to take this challenge with me an not allow you to speak negativity about yourself inside or out?

You and I will be at the top of my prayer list today and this week! Together we will change our view of ourselves and by doing that we will be able to glorify God because we will see how wonderful his creations are, US, We are his creation created in his image! Praise God.

Blessings and love to all,

Lori